Buried Past
by Luna umbra
Summary: McKay gets a devastating message through the stargate, and goes back home, to Canada. Sheppard and Ronon accompany him, but McKay is trying his hardest to stop them from seeing his long buried past. How will this ordeal affect McKay? And how strong is their friendship really?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Stargate Atlantis, set in season 3.**

**I do not own any of these characters.**

I am sorry if my English sucks.

* * *

"Elizabeth, what is this about? Did something happen? Because I didn't get any warning signals that something was wrong. I would be the first one to be contacted if something were wrong. I would get reports, alarm signals, people freaking out, the occasional screaming -"  
"Rodney, nothing is wrong with the city. Sit down please".  
A look of confusion flashed over his face.  
"We have just received a message through the stargate"  
McKay's eyes narrowed. A message coming through the stargate hardly ever bore good news.  
"Your mother has had an accident".  
McKay's eyes opened wide in shock.  
"She was brought to the hospital, but her injuries were to severe. She died at 0400 this morning".  
McKay squeezed his eyes close in sorrow and regret.  
"What kind of accident was she in?", he choked out.  
"She... appeared... to have fallen down the stairs".  
McKay immediately picked up on the hesitation, and opened his eyes in suspicion.  
"Appeared?"  
"Yes... Some... injuries... seem out of place. They didn't give me all the details, however".  
"And is somebody investigating the circumstances?", he asked in a deadly voice.  
"They did an investigation. But the police cleared everything".  
McKay sucked in a sharp breath, but then seemed to deflate. His shoulders sacked in resignation.  
"When can I leave?"  
"Um...", Elizabeth started, a bit stunned by McKay's reaction.  
"You are scheduled to depart at 1100".  
McKay nodded again and stood up.  
"Rodney-", Elizabeth started, but gasped as she saw the emotions swirling behind his eyes.  
"I... I am terribly sorry for your loss, Rodney. I wish it could have been different".  
McKay nodded.  
"So do I", he whispered, more to himself it seemed than to her.  
"Thank you, Elizabeth. I'll go pack now", and with that he walked away.

...

Rodney entered the gate room a little before 11 and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw who was standing in front of the gate, packed and all.  
"Sheppard! You don't need to come along! It's just a funeral!", Rodney said hastily.  
The last thing he wanted was somebody witnessing his turmoil.  
"McKay! Your mother died. It might be nice to have someone there for you, someone to lean on".  
Rodney suddenly felt anger clawing it's way up.  
"I don't need your help and I don't need your pity! I don't need somebody to lean on! I have been doing just fine on my own my whole life. I can handle a funeral on my own as well!"  
"McKay- Rodney... We're your friends. You might be acting all tough now, but it's going to come crashing in sooner or later".  
Rodney was starting to panic slightly. He didn't want them to see. He didn't want them to know.  
"I don't want you there!", he nearly yelled, as a last desperate attempt at keeping them from accompanying him.  
Suddenly Ronon took a few steps towards him, his face frighteningly close to his. Rodney immediately felt his muscles tense and his body jump into alert-mode.  
"We're coming with you, McKay! Whether you like it or not! So suck it up and shut up about it!", Ronon said.  
The little color he had drained from Rodney's face.  
Then Elizabeth stepped up to them.  
"Rodney. Teyla couldn't make it, but she sends her sympathies and she will be right here, waiting for you when you return".  
She made a gesture towards Chuck and the gate whooshed open. She exchanged a couple of short sentences with whomever was on the other side of the gate.  
"You have a go!"  
She grabbed Rodney's hand.  
"My thoughts will be with you, Rodney".  
As she released his hand and stepped away from them, she send Sheppard a meaningful look.  
"Be careful!"  
Sheppard nodded and put a hand on Rodney's shoulder.  
"Ready?".  
Rodney let out a sigh and nodded.  
"Here we go", Sheppard said, as they walked through the stargate.

They stepped out of the wormhole into the gate room on earth. Ronon looked around. Thick walls, blast doors, guards stationed at every exit. This was a military base, that was for sure.  
He trailed behind Sheppard and McKay, who walked straight to a man and a woman waiting for them at the end of the ramp.  
"General", McKay said, nodding at the man.  
"Sam".  
Sheppard repeated the process.  
"McKay, welcome back to earth", the woman said.  
"I wish it were under different circumstances."  
"Yes, so do I."  
The woman grabbed his hand, "I am sorry for your loss, McKay. Loosing a parent...-"  
"Yes yes. It's all very sad. I don't need Your pity as well!", he said, anger in his voice, and he pulled his hand back.  
The woman looked taken back for a second, but then disregarded it.  
"Has transportation been taken care of?", McKay said, now directing his question at the man.  
The man nodded slowly.  
"Why don't you get checked out in the infirmary first, and then we'll continue this conversation in the conference room".  
Even McKay could clearly hear the not-a-suggestion tone through his words, and he nodded his affirmative, swiftly walking out of the room.  
Then the man's gaze fell on Ronon.  
Sheppard quickly stepped up and introduced them officially.  
"General O'Neill, this is Specialist Ronon Dex, a member of my team. Ronon, this is Brigadier General Jack O'Neill, commander of Stargate Command".  
They both nodded.  
"Ronon Dex. I have heard great things about you. I am sorry your visit was a bit unexpected. I'd love to have seen you in action in a training session against my airmen. I have heard great deals about your skills".  
"Maybe next time I can see what your airmen are made off", Ronon smirked.  
O'Neill laughed as well.  
"I am looking forward to that. For now, welcome on this base".  
"Carter", O'Neill said, looking at the woman, "Could you bring them to the infirmary?".  
"Yes sir!", she said, as he took his leave.  
"I am Colonel Samantha Carter, it is nice to meet you".  
Ronon could clearly recognize a warrior in her.  
"Ronon", he answered.  
"Shall we go? McKay is probably nearly finished his exam by now..."  
Sam nodded.  
"McKay would surely start the meeting without you if general O'Neill would let him".  
Sheppard nodded.  
Carter showed them the way to the infirmary. McKay was just closing up his shirt as they entered the infirmary.  
"Already finished, McKay?"  
"You were the ones who decided to stay behind and chat, not me", he said as he moved out of the way for Sheppard and Ronon.  
"Hey, I was just introducing Ronon to General O'Neill. If you weren't so rude-"  
"Well, I'm sorry, COLONEL!", Rodney said, emphasizing Sheppard's rank, "I have some other things on my mind. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll wait upstairs in the conference room!", he said angrily.  
Ronon watched him as the scientist stomped out of the room. Something was up. He knew grief like no other. He knew how people acted and how they tended to cope with it, but this was not just grief that he saw in his team member. Something was up.  
Sheppard also looked as McKay left the room. He knew his friend tended to lash out, but this was different. This wasn't just grief or anger. He clearly remembered Elizabeth's words.  
_'Sheppard...', Elizabeth said as the Colonel stood to leave. 'I have a bad feeling about this. Something doesn't add up. I don't know what yet, but something is going on. I want you to keep your eyes open... and Sheppard... Protect him! I have a feeling he will be in danger...'  
__Sheppard nodded. He could see the seriousness in Elizabeth's eyes. He had learned to trust Elizabeth's instincts some time ago. If she had a bad feeling, then there was sure to be something going on, something that they would need to be on full alert for.  
__'I will, Elizabeth. I will bring him back home safe and sound'.  
__Elizabeth looked him in the eyes, and she could see his promise there. He would bring McKay back, if it were the last thing he would do.  
__'Thank you, John. Good luck!'  
_It seemed McKay had also picked up on something. But why was he hiding his theories from them. Normally he would share whatever theory he had, even if it was just for them to keep in mind. Sheppard sighed.  
He hoped they would get a good chance to talk during the trip to Canada. If McKay had picked up on something, he had to make sure the scientist wasn't going to run off somewhere without them to watch his back.  
"Now then, who wants to go first?", an Asian doctor said as she walked up towards them.

"Finally! Could you have taken any longer?!", McKay said, angrily typing away on his tablet.  
"I could have been half way up to Canada by now!"  
"Be nice, McKay. We came here as fast as we could".  
"Nice? I -"  
But McKay was cut short as General O'Neill walked up the stairs. Sheppard and Carter both stood up quickly.  
"At ease, both of you", O'Neill said, waving away the official stance.  
"First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, McKay. It's not something you wish for anyone".  
McKay nodded.  
"Of course we have taken care of transportation. An airman will drive you to the airport. A jet is waiting for you to fly you to Edmonton. An airman will wait for you there and take you to your hotel in Cold Lake".  
O'Neill paused for a second.  
"I should remind you that both you, Ronon and McKay, are a popular target. Many people would love to get their hands on either of you. I should also remind you, however, that we have no jurisdiction whatsoever in Canada. If something were to happen, someone were to come after any of you, there is no legal way for us to back you up".  
He looked Sheppard in the eyes for a moment, making sure he got the message. Then he signaled to an airman standing in the far corner. The young lieutenant walked up to them with several thick folders in his hands.  
"This is all the information we have about your mother's accident, the circumstances surrounding her death and her medical history", O'Neill said.  
"Elizabeth told us you would get the information one way or another. To stop you from committing a crime, she suggested that we'd have the information ready for you when you arrived".  
McKay took the folders from the airman, gratitude flashing across his face for a brief moment.  
"Thank you, General. I really appreciate this!"  
"Now then, you'd better get ready. The jet leaves in 45 minutes!".  
They all stood to leave.  
"Oh, and Ronon... do be careful waving that gun around in public. I'd rather not attract attention when it's not necessary".  
Ronon looked at the General like it was the stupidest thing he ever said.  
"Keep a low profile... Check!", Sheppard quickly said, intercepting any comment Ronon was about to make.  
"If we need anything else, we'll contact you".  
"I'm sure Carter will love to be at your service, don't you Carter?", O'Neill responded, an evil smirk on his face.  
"Yes... Sir", she said, an evil glint in her eyes.  
By the looks of it, O'Neill was gonna pay for that sooner or later.  
"Off to see the wizard, then!".  
Everyone said their goodbyes and soon they were on their way to Edmonton, Canada.

* * *

\To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Stargate Atlantis, set in season 3.**

**I do not own any of these characters.**

**I do not know anything about Canada. So any details I use for this story are purely made up!**

I am sorry if my English sucks.

* * *

McKay had commandeered a table all to himself, folders and sheets of paper lying everywhere. He had steered for the table as soon as they boarded the plane, effectively scaring them away with his biting remarks. Sheppard and Ronon had taken up residence at a table in the middle of the plane and were talking quietly, occasionally glancing back at McKay. But the scientist was either to engrossed in his thought to notice, or choose to ignore them. Sheppard didn't really know which one was better.

They had been flying for an hour and Sheppard had had enough. McKay hadn't uttered one word, but had been grunting and hissing for the better part of the flight.  
"How are you holding up, buddy?", he asked as he walked up to McKay.  
"Great. Just great! Can't you see?!", McKay responded.  
Sheppard ignored the comment and slipped into the boot across from McKay.  
"You need a break. You've been at this for over an hour now and you haven't had anything to eat or drink since who knows how long. You're reading the same file over and over again. You're walking in circles!".  
"I don't need a break. I need to figure this out!", McKay spat at him.  
"Figure what out?"  
"The freaky accident", McKay grunted out, like it was clear as rain.  
_So he had been right. McKay actually had picked up on something.  
_"Care to share?", Sheppard tried.  
Then suddenly something seemed to click in McKay's brain and his expression changed.  
"No, I'm fine. I don't need any help!", he said coldly, as he closed the files he was reading.  
"Come on buddy, talk to me. I could help you with that. I am great at putting details together!", Sheppard tried.  
"No".  
Sheppard's patience was slowly disappearing.  
"Oke, how about having something to eat or drink".  
"I'm not hungry".  
"You need to eat something, McKay", Sheppard said in a commanding tone.  
"Your blood sugar is getting low, besides you're getting dehydrated".  
"Fine!", McKay said, grabbing the wrapped sandwich Sheppard had brought him.

With an angry scowl McKay took a bite from the sandwich, and within seconds the whole thing had disappeared. Sheppard held out a bottle of water and McKay automatically took it from him. After McKay had finished half the bottle of water, his shoulders started to hunch, and he stared at something unseen to Sheppard.

"You wanna talk about it?", Sheppard tried again.  
"No... not really...", McKay said softly.  
"How did your mother die?"  
"She seemingly fell down the stairs".  
Sheppard didn't miss his choice of words.  
"What's so weird about her accident?"  
"I read the police report and the coroners report. There are a lot of injuries that seem strange for someone who has fallen down the stairs. And the way she was found seems strange too... like someone has staged it".  
"You think... your mother was killed?", Sheppard asked softly.  
McKay looked up sharply. Sheppard knew he was walking on thin ice, but he had to know. He could see Ronon turning his head just a little more into their direction. Sheppard knew the runner was listening intently to every word that was being said.  
"Who would want to hurt your mother? Do you know who is behind this?"  
McKay kept silent.  
"McKay! If you know something, you have to tell me!", Sheppard said in a commanding tone.  
Anger flared across McKay's face.  
"I don't _need_ to tell you anything!", McKay shouted.  
"I am not one of your soldiers. This is not Atlantis and this is not a mission! This is my business! Mine! I don't need your help and I certainly don't need your sympathy. I can handle it fine on my own!".  
Sheppard was actually a little taken back.  
"McKay...", he started, looking at his friend pleadingly.  
"No... just...", McKay said, but then seemed to deflate.  
"Please... just leave me alone".

Sheppard could hear the vulnerability in his voice. If he wanted to know everything McKay knew about this whole ordeal, this was the moment. He could easily make him crack right here, right now. But he knew that their friendship and trust would be irreparably damaged.  
Sheppard quietly slid out of the boot.  
"You know where to find me if you need me", he said softly, and quickly returned to Ronon's side.

McKay let out a quivering breath and heavily let his head fall into his hands. He knew Sheppard meant well, and deep down he wanted nothing more to spill the beans. To have somebody else knowing as well. He wanted nothing more then have someone to lean on... someone to help him through all this, to stand by his side... but he knew he couldn't have that. Not with this. This was something personal... He didn't want them to know, he didn't want them to see. He wanted to protect himself just as badly as he wanted to protect his friends. This was something he needed to do on his own.

...

It was already dark outside when the car pulled up to a large white house. McKay got out of the car quickly and walked up to the house. Sheppard and Ronon stepped out as well, leaving a respectful distance between them and the scientist.  
A woman with red, puffy eyes opened the door.  
"Jeannie".  
"Mer", she responded, and with heart wrenching sobs she fell into his arms.  
After a couple of minutes a man came down the stairs and joined them.  
"Kaleb", McKay said.  
"Mer".  
Jeannie seemed to collect herself again and quickly released Rodney, and pressed herself against Kaleb's side. The dark haired man threw an arm around her shoulders and hugged her against him.  
"Why don't you come in", Kaleb said.  
"I have just put Madison to bed".  
Rodney nodded and walked in. Sheppard and Ronon stepped closer as well.  
"Friends of Mer's?", Kaleb asked.  
"Yes. I am Colonel John Sheppard and this is Ronon Dex".  
"Come in. You must have had quite a journey. I'll pour you all something to drink".  
"That is much appreciated", Sheppard said as they all walked into the house.  
"Here you go", Kaleb said, as he handed Ronon and Sheppard their drinks.  
Ronon grunted something.  
"Thank you", Sheppard answered for the both of them.

They were seated in the living room of the Millers, on comfortable couches and chairs.  
"I am so glad you could make it! I was worried for a bit that you wouldn't get the message in time... but you did", Jeannie said, as she was tucked against Kaleb's side.  
Rodney nodded.  
"I got the message early this morning. Came back as soon as I could".  
"Have you been to see... him... yet...?", Jeannie asked, choking out the words.  
A sob escaped her lips again and Kaleb hugged her closer.  
"I'm sorry... I am such a mess", she apologized, looking at Sheppard and Ronon.  
"No... not yet... I... I thought it wise... to come see you first...", Rodney replied.  
Jeannie nodded, a look of understanding on her face.  
"Have you seen mom recently?".  
Jeannie shook her head.  
"The last time I actually saw her was months ago. But I spoke to her regularly on the phone. She was the same as always...", Jeannie trailed off, a tone of regret and sorrow in her words.  
"She did tell me last week that things were getting worse. She wasn't the quickest anymore... she was getting old..."  
"You think... _He..._ is responsible?", Rodney asked quietly.  
"Is it because I..."  
Jeannie lifted her head sharply, as did Sheppard. He knew the feelings of grief McKay was going through, but he was surprised to hear he actually blamed himself.  
"This is not your fault Mer! Nothing of this is your fault!", Jeannie said, anger in her voice.  
"You know who's fault it is! Don't you dare blame this upon yourself!"  
"What do you mean 'you know who's fault it is'?", Sheppard interrupted, looking at Rodney with narrowed eyes.  
Rodney looked up sharply, panic visibly evident in his eyes.  
"Is there something you're not telling us, McKay?"  
"I'm not obligated to tell you anything, Colonel", Rodney said, anger flashing across his face once again.  
"In case you haven't noticed, this matter doesn't concern you-"  
"It does concern me!", Sheppard cut him off.  
"I am your team leader. All matters that effect you concern me!".  
"Well, thank you for those words, Colonel. I am not officially back on duty for another week. How I choose to allocate my time until than is none of your damn business!"  
"Everything you do is my business. What do you think we're doing here?", Sheppard shouted out.

McKay hastily jumped to his feet.  
"What? I'm a security risk now?!", he called out indignantly.  
"McKay!"  
"I have been working for the CIA when you were still in school. I worked for the SGC before you had even heard of it. I know how to keep the security in check!", Rodney spit out.  
"That's not-"  
"I am perfectly aware of all the people who would love to get their hands on my intelligence, but I'll be damned to let them get in my way this time".  
A look of disbelief flashed across Sheppard's face. McKay couldn't possibly think he'd be able to stop anyone coming after him.  
"You're not serious, McKay!", a slight hint of mockery in his voice.  
A look of resentment filled McKay's eyes. Memories flooded him filled with mocking voices.  
"I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! Can't you understand that?!", Rodney yelled.  
"McKay-", Sheppard started, a little taken back.  
"Just leave me alone, Sheppard!", Rodney cut him off.  
"Go back to the hotel, the SGC, I don't care. Just leave me alone".

McKay angrily pushed past Sheppard, and disappeared into the kitchen. They heard the backdoor slam shut.  
Ronon made a move as if he wanted to follow him, but remained put. Jeannie looked at Sheppard, an angry scowl on her face.  
"You have no idea what he has been through, or what he goes through right now", she said, angrily jabbing him in the chest.  
"So you don't know everything. So what?! You want to chastise him for it? Throw him to the wolves?! Really? I...", she let her hands drop.  
"I thought you were his friend", Jeannie's voice broke.  
Tears pooled from her eyes.

"Look... I'm sorry... I didn't...", Sheppard trailed off.  
He didn't really know what to say. He wanted to help McKay, wanted to be his friend, but the hardheaded scientist had done everything to push him away and to make his blood boil.  
"Leave... please", Jeannie whispered.  
Sheppard looked at her and saw the determination in her eyes. There was no way in hell she was going to allow Sheppard to go near her brother again. Not tonight.  
"We'll be at the hotel. Tell him I'm sorry", Sheppard resigned and walked to the door.  
Jeannie nodded.  
Ronon made a move towards the door, but then stopped. He stared into Jeannie's eyes, and she swallowed hard. Ronon knew. He understood.  
"Ronon", Sheppard called from the hallway.  
Ronon quickly turned around and disappeared from view.

Jeannie and Kaleb heard the car start. Jeannie hesitantly wiped her stray tears away as the lights from the car moved past their window and disappeared out of the street.  
Kaleb hugged her close and placed a kiss on her hair.  
"Go. He needs you".

...

"Mer?", Jeannie called out as she walked into the back garden.  
She had pulled on a jacket and held a blanket and two beers in her hands.  
"Mer?", she tried again, nearly tripping over one of Madison's toys.  
"Here", she heard him say quietly.  
She moved towards the sound of his voice, and found him sitting against the garden shed, gazing at the stars. She silently draped the blanket across his shoulders and sat down beside him.  
"Thanks", Rodney mumbled.  
"I send John and Ronon back to the hotel".  
Rodney glanced at her quickly and pulled the blanket tighter around him.  
Jeannie let out a sigh and handed him one of the bottles. Rodney gazed at the bottle for a long time before taking a swig.  
"You never told them", Jeannie stated.  
Rodney glanced at her again. He let out a small sigh.  
"It's not something that comes up in your average conversation", he said, his eyes downcast.  
"It's not your fault, you know. None of this is".  
Silence stretched between them.  
"Mom... She... I read the reports..."  
"I know, sweety. But it's not your fault".  
"I know... it's just... I could have -"  
Jeannie quickly moved in front of her brother. She placed her hands over his and looked into her eyes.  
"I never blamed you for it", she said intently.  
"And neither did she".  
She looked into her brothers eyes intently, and suddenly something seemed to break inside of him. He let his head fall into his hands and Jeannie threw her arms around him.  
"This is not your fault", she whispered again and again.

It seemed hours later when they went back inside. Wrapped up in talking things over they hadn't realized how cold they had become. When they felt the warmth of the fireplace wash over them, their bodies started to shiver.  
"I better get back to the hotel", Rodney said, flipping open his cell phone.  
The cab was there within minutes. Rodney made his way to the door awkwardly, the events of the day pressing down on him.  
"Mer", Jeannie said and grasped Rodney's hand.  
Rodney looked at her, confusion in his eyes.  
"Will you call me after...?", she trailed off again.  
Rodney stared at her for a moment, seemingly lost in thoughts, but then he grasped both her hands tightly in his and looked into her eyes intently.  
"I will", he said.  
"I'll try to get to the bottom of this".  
"Just be careful, oke?! I don't want to lose you too".  
"You won't lose me. I'll be fine", Rodney said, letting go of his sister.  
"Will John and Ronon be there with you?", Jeannie said.  
A flash of anger and pain crossed Rodney's face.  
"Probably", he said curtly.  
Jeannie nodded.  
"Good luck... and be safe, Mer".  
Rodney nodded, and exited the house.

...

As the cab pulled up on the parking lot, Rodney spotted the two cars the air force had loaned them neatly parked next to each other.  
_Sheppard and Ronon had made it back then.  
_He still felt anger swirl inside of him at the thought of Sheppard, but Jeannie had really helped him straighten out his emotions. He had been angry, and hurt, and in pain, but it wasn't Sheppard that was the cause of all of it.  
He paid the cabby and made his way upstairs with heavy feet.  
He would have to tell Sheppard and Ronon sooner of later. They were going to find out eventually anyway. He knew it would take a miracle to slip past them tomorrow morning without them noticing. But he couldn't... they couldn't know... He needed to get to the bottom of this, and if they knew...  
His thoughts trailed off. He realized he was standing in front of his hotel door. The hotel owner had only had 2 double bedrooms available, and Rodney was grateful for the privacy it offered. Hastily he made his way inside and locked the door. He hesitated for a moment and then clicked the second lock on as well. He knew Sheppard had the key to his room, and he had no desire to see Sheppard at the moment. He fell down heavily on the bed furthest from the door and let his eyes fall shut. He was exhausted. Emotions and thought swirled around in his mind and he praised his body's need as his mind was slowly turned off and he succumbed to sleep.

...

Rodney opened his eyes in panic. He was enveloped in darkness. Something was wrapped tightly around his body and prevented him from moving. He struggled in another breath and looked around with panicked eyes, searching for his attacker. Darkness surrounded him. He couldn't see anyone. His arm was twisted in an awkward angle and was starting to hurt. He tried to move it, but the thing that was wrapped around him wouldn't budge. Cold sweat dripped into his eyes and he tried to blink away the stinging that it brought on, desperately trying to keep as much of his senses intact.

His arm was really starting to hurt now and again he tried to move it. He mustered all of his strength and with one massive pull he twisted his shoulder. The movement made him roll over, and with a panicked yelp Rodney plunged into the deep. A split second later he fell onto the floor, hard, and he let out a grunt of pain and fear. He was lying on his stomach and breathing was becoming even harder. Dark spots started dancing in front of his eyes. The thing that had wrapped itself around him had wound itself even tighter and a part of it had found its way to his neck. He was struggling to breath, and darkness started creeping in, when a sudden shout had him opening his eyes wide with fear.

The light switched on and Rodney tried to move closer to wall. _Whomever was attacking him, he was surely coming back to finish the job. _Rough hands suddenly turned him on his back and Rodney shrieked in fear. He closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to see his ending. Then suddenly he felt the pressure around his neck loosen and the bindings that were keeping him from moving disappeared. He gulped in as much air as he could, nearly choking on the fresh oxygen. He was vaguely aware of being pulled up in a sitting position, but was too busy trying to breath to notice who it was.

When his breathing had calmed down he let his head fall back, exhausted.  
"McKay!", he heard someone nearly shout, and immediately his mind was turned on again.  
He struggled his eyes open and squinted against the bright light. The two shadows in front of him started to take form.  
"Ronon? Sheppard?", he asked surprised, relief and gratitude filling him.  
"Yeah, buddy! We're here", Sheppard replied, squeezing his leg awkwardly.  
"What happened?", he choked out, as he remembered the tight bindings.  
Fear filled him again and he started to shake.  
"Hey. You're alright now! You're safe!", Sheppard said, trying to calm him down.  
Rodney could feel the hands holding him up tighten slightly and he looked up at Ronon. He could see the promise in the man's _was_ safe. He looked at Sheppard again, and could see the fright in the Colonel's eyes.  
"What happened?", he tried again.  
Fear and guilt flashed over Sheppard's face.  
"You had one hell of a nightmare", Sheppard said softly.  
"We heard you all the way over in our room".  
Rodney looked away in shame.  
"You had the door double locked", Sheppard said in a sad voice.

He knew he was probably the reason McKay had put both of the locks on.  
"Then we heard a loud crashing noise, and Ronon heard you choking, so we busted down the door. And just in time, I might add", Sheppard said, nodding at Rodney's hand.  
Rodney had been rubbing the raw marks on his neck unconsciously and hastily dropped them as he became aware of it.  
"Thank you", he said in earnest, but he still didn't look them in the eyes.

He pulled away from Ronon, stood up awkwardly and sunk down in the chair next to the bed. He was still shaking and a shiver ran through his body.  
"Here", Sheppard said, draping a blanket over his shoulders.  
Rodney looked at him fleetingly.  
"Thanks", he mumbled.  
"You want to talk about it?", Sheppard asked quietly.  
"No", Rodney answered hastily, and pulled the blanket around him tighter.

He let his eyes wander through the room. Ronon was standing next to the window, studying him. Rodney felt like one of Carson's specimen and quickly let his eyes wander again. Only now he saw the pieces of fabric laying next to the bed. The fabric, almost seemed like...  
"You cut it off of me?", he asked in shock.  
"You were choking", Ronon answered gruffly.  
"Well... Thank... you", Rodney said, surprise and gratitude filling him.  
"You're welcome, buddy", Sheppard replied.  
Rodney looked him in the eyes, and was taken back by the multitude of emotions swirling behind them.  
"Look, Rodney. I am sorry. I never wanted to...", he trailed off.  
Rodney nodded. He wasn't angry anymore. He knew why Sheppard did what he did. And he knew he had to tell them sooner or later, but that didn't change anything about the fact that he didn't want them to find out. He didn't want them to tag along.  
"It's oke. Don't worry about it", he mumbled.  
An awkward silence stretched between them. Rodney knew Sheppard wanted to talk about it, but he had no intention of doing so.  
"If you don't mind, I'll be going back to sleep now", he said, faking a yawn.  
He could see Sheppard's eyes narrow. The colonel knew he was lying, but he let him be anyway.  
"You're gonna be oke?", Sheppard asked pointedly.  
Rodney nodded. He needed alone time right now. He needed to be away from the looks, the awkward silences. He needed to think.  
"I'll be fine", he answered.  
Sheppard stood up and walked to the door. He clicked the lock a couple of times and ascertained it was broken.  
"See you tomorrow then", he said and walked out the door.  
Ronon gave Rodney an intense look before he stalked after Sheppard, pulling the door close behind him.

Rodney let out a sigh. He walked over to the bathroom, splashed his face with water, and looked into the mirror. He was white as a sheet and was still shivering. He still wore his clothes from the day before, and they were still damp from the nightmare. He clumsily stripped them off and turned on the shower. Letting the hot water run over his body he let his mind wander to the event that lay before him. He had to get to the bottom of this. But to do that he had to face the one thing he had walked away from so long ago.  
He turned off the water and quickly got dressed. He let himself fall down on the bed and closed his eyes for a second. No... there was no way he would be able to sleep now. He looked up at the clock and saw that it was 5 in the morning._ Might as well start the day early_.

He got up again and packed his bag. When he was finished he mentally checked everything once more. He was ready to go. He picked up the car keys as he walked over to the door. He was grateful that the air force had supplied them with two cars. It now gave him a chance to sneak away. He might actually be able to pull this off.

He held the bag tightly in one hand and pulled the door open. It took some effort after the manhandling from earlier. But as he set foot in the hallway, he felt his stomach drop.  
"Ready to go?", he heard Sheppard ask.  
Ronon and Sheppard stood packed and ready next to his door.  
Rodney looked at them in utter surprise. Sheppard pulled the bag from his hand.  
"No sense in standing around. Come on", he said, as he made his way towards the escalator.  
Sheppard disappeared around the corner. McKay stood there, dumbfounded. He looked at Ronon. The man was looking at him, studying him again. He seemed to be waiting for McKay to make a move.  
"McKay!", Sheppard shouted from down the hall.  
Rodney scrambled his thoughts together and quickly followed Sheppard. Ronon swiftly fell into step behind him.

...

They had been driving for one and a half hour. Rodney had been getting increasingly restless, and Sheppard wasn't much better off. Ronon was silent as always, watching, studying. He didn't know where they were going, but he could see McKay's growing discomfort and fear. It was enough to put him on edge and be extra alert.  
"So, where are we going?", Sheppard asked, succumbing to the need to know.  
"My parents house, the place where my mother died".  
"And we're going there, because...?", Sheppard trailed off, wanting to know the plan of action.  
"To get to the bottom of this", McKay answered briskly.

They had been speeding past mountains and frozen snow-covered lakes for the past hour. The temperature had dropped immensely and Sheppard rubbed his hands together for warmth.  
Rodney caught the movement from the corner of his eyes and he leaned forward, putting the heater on maximum. The car slowed down and Rodney turned onto a dirt road that disappeared into a forest.  
"This is pretty far off from civilization", Sheppard said.  
"Did you grow up here?", he asked.  
"Around here, yes".  
Rodney kept his answers as short as possible, not wanting to disclose such personal information.  
"Where did you go to school?"  
"We past the school a while back.  
"What?!", Sheppard exclaimed in surprise.  
"How did you manage to get to school every day?"  
"We walked... mostly..."  
"Through the forest?"  
"Just a bit. We had a shortcut across the lakes".  
Sheppard frowned, trying to imagine little McKay walking to school, snow coming up to his hips, a little sister in tow.  
"But... they're frozen..."  
"How very observant of you".  
Sheppard send him a look.  
"You know what I mean. It's dangerous".  
"Yes... well. What can I say... Canadian... From an early age I was taught how to survive in snow and ice... and ice water", Rodney added as an after thought, and shuddered at the memory.  
Sheppard frowned at the comment, not sure if Rodney remembered the survival lessons or an incident for which he had needed that knowledge.  
"Yes... but still... You were just a kid".  
"Yeah, well. School was kinda mandatory".  
Sheppard fell silent. He had never really thought of the perks of being Canadian.

Suddenly the forest had ended and they were driving on a small, ice covered road.  
"Might wanna slow down here", Sheppard uttered, but that earned him a foul look from McKay.  
"I have been driving these roads since I was 8. I kinda know what I am doing".  
"Since you were eight?", Sheppard asked in disbelief.  
"Don't look at me, look at the road!", Sheppard called out suddenly.  
He felt his stomach clench tightly.  
"I trust you to fly whatever flying machine we come across. That's your area, but this is mine. I know these roads like the back of my hand".

Sheppard clamped his mouth shut. He had actually never seen McKay drive. He had just assumed that he was as horrible with a car as he was with a puddlejumper. He watched McKay for a bit, and he had to admit that McKay seemed to control the car on the icy road just as naturally as Sheppard did the jumpers. He made it seem to easy. Sheppard remembered when he was first shipped off to the ant-arctics, and the road trip he had to take to the first base. He could have sworn he'd had multiple heart attacks, as he had felt the vehicle slip away from his grasp over and over again, only to nearly crash or drive into a ravine.

Suddenly the car skidded to a halt in front of a lone house. Sheppard assumed this was their destination, but McKay didn't move.  
"McKay?", he gently asked.  
Rodney turned to look at him.  
"We're here".

* * *

\To be continued


End file.
